I was In love Or so I thought..

Yesterday. Yes. Yesterday I got hurt, unconsciously. And all the pain showed up today. He made me fall for him. I never asked him to be my friend nor to be close to me. But he did. He was sweet, caring, and everything ideal. And most of all, he understood me. I falled for him because he showed me these things. He showed me sweetness no man would ever do. He was perfect. I thought I was the only special he had.
There she was, the girl he loved. The girl he made special. The girl in his heart. I guess I got struck with my friend's question about why our hearts feel pain when we are broken-hearted when our emotions are controlled by our hypothalamus. I could never answer directly. Because although I know why, I would never agree. Because I feel hurt in my heart. I felt deep pain in my chest. No matter how I knock it out, it would never go away. The pain stays. The pain lingers. But I never cried. Because I didn't invest in anything. I just hallucinated, that's why I got hurt. That's why it made me all distracted. I know i'll move on soon. Maybe a day or 2. But never would I forget the feeling of being special, of being understood but being fooled by his actions. I was wrong again and again. Why did I even Hoped in the first place? he showed me such stimulus I could not resist. He showed me things I could never find in anybody. He is special. I am not for him.
Make me move on fast. I need not to be distracted. I have responsibilities. Pain is part of Life. THIS I must accept.

T_T

Exact titles in my head won't fit here ..

When I fall in love. I should never get hurt.
I guess that's what I wanted, inside my head, inside my heart nothing more. Ceasing away from pain. Life as always has been quite rude to me. Do I need a boyfriend? Or am I just jealous that others have their own? Or is it just because I'm proceeding to the next psycho-social stage?? Ohoii. I don't know. Everytime I tend to like someone, i just don't see them as someone who's going to like me. :(
People often say that someone will eventually just arrive to your life.. But then, how will I suppose to react or even know if his there? Life is so not fair sometimes.
I want to make my summer memorable. Being 18 next next month is not something I thought would be special, but then here I am, waiting for that date to come. :(
My head is distracted again. :(
I just want it to be stable, to be focus, to be determined, not like this. I feel dumb :(

Dear Blog of mine, I love you forever. :) Thank You.

Ikaw na pd..

" Ug kanus.a pa ba kha mahitabo, ang akong gipangayo, nga ang imong mata muhalok sab sa akoang mata, ug magtutukay tang duha,
Sama sa gipakita sa mga salida nga malipayon ug ga.uros-uros ilang gugma.

Apan sama sa akong giingon, Kini damgo lamang. Bisag usa ka litok sa akong ngalan gikan sa imong baba dili man makab-ot. Kay ikaw nakaila sa akong ngalan pero kutob lng dha. Sa ngalan lng ko nemu naila maong wala na gyd ako magduda.

Akong natamdan, tungod kay wala kay pakialam sa akoa, dili gyd mahitabo kining naa sa akong hunahuna. Magsakit nlang ang akong dughan maong angay na tikang kalimtan. Pero unsa may angay nakong kalimtan nga wala man gne ka bisag usa ka tagad sa akoa. Sama ka lamang sa usa ka palid sa libro nga akong gibasa, kung ako ng nasabtan, dili na angay balikan.

Angay na ko mupakli sa sunod nga palid ug dili na tika hinumduman pa. Kay bisag unsa sab nako'g balik aning akong paghigugma, wala na kini mahimo para ikaw maakoa. "


-MoNaii

I don't know what to feel anymore..

Sometimes I get sad about myself. I'm just not that fortunate to be that beautiful to have the guy I like be attracted to me. I am beautiful, but not as attractive as any other girls out there. I'm not bringing myself down. I'm just facing reality that whatever I do, I always feel inferior whenever I get along with people who have their love of their lives with them. It's as if I see myself as a wallflower and nobody would bother to notice. There are things that we should be satisfied about but then again, there are also things that we want too. Life can be harsh, you know?  :(

Whenever I see the guy that I want or I have crush on, I would always end up staring at them at a distance, stalking at their profiles, and so many little and petty things I do. I don't let them notice my attention, because at the first place, they would never notice me. 

It has always been like this, I tend to like them then I suddenly know, Everybody likes them as well. Where do I put myself to? The freshmen league of having a crush on him? :(

I'm here to express what's in my head and in my emotions. It sometimes bother me in a least, but most often it bother me so much, I'd breakdown . :(

Life. Ciao*

Today is a mess.

I had my whole day riding a jeep and never liking it. It's my first day of period and these days never got me feeling good. Im so not okay. Well, i don't know yet though. I want to eat, and eat, and eat. and nothing more. I am so lazy. I haven't finished my treatment plan my speech on tuesday and i havent done any assignments so far now. this has been so great. GAWWWWWWWWWWD D:
I just dropped by to write something so that someday when i looked back, I'l have something see how crazy I am. I just neede to express it. Everything :O My pain and whatever is suffocating my head and my sense now. :(
Good bye now. Catechism later . Ciao*